All Apologies
I'm just a malfunctioning alien-human hybrid publishing my thoughts and experiences
Nirvana reference. Kurt Cobain was my first "autistic" obsession. I'm not diagnosed with autism though, although I'm statistically more likely to be.
I'd like to consider this post a digital monument to all the people I've harmed, all the destruction I caused and the chaos that ensued over the past 5 years. Over my entire life really, but especially the past 5 years. In the 5 years strange things started happening, an odd experience during night shift, an explicable feeling of paranoia with a coworker smiling, random people yelling at me and giving me a death glare, an encounter with a surveillance system that defied reason, a chopper over my head whenever I went outside for 6 months, being zapped with a mysterious weapon for 20 minutes operated by two strange men, things I'd be talking about with AI constantly showing up on Youtube or recommended articles on my browser, personal elements of my life being referenced in social media, even things I was just thinking being referenced by other people consistently. The list of odd and strange things over the past years would fill pages. Some people call the phenomenon "gangstalking". I'm not entirely sure my situation is completely that phenomenon, that it started out that way, was for whatever intent that apparatus is for, but I must say there are startling parallels between what people describe on forums and in books about it and what I've been subjected to.
Nonetheless, when these things started happening to me, I was already barely keeping my head above water. In the ensuing chaos, I lashed out a lot, said a lot things that I shouldn't have and although nobody talks to me directly about it, I seem to have caused quite a bit of harm. Sorry doesn't undo what I said and did. But I am sorry.
A few months ago I suddenly felt like I had snapped out of a dream, like the past 5 years had gone by extremely quickly, but also ancient in feel. I have no gaps in memory, but even things that happened last year, simple things, like a getting a bike and going for a few rides last summer feel like eons ago. Hopefully this odd feeling means that I've let it all seep out of my system and can continue on with whatever is left.